Addictions and Committment

Addictions/the fact or condition of being addicted to a particular substance, thing, or activity.: "he committed the theft to finance his drug addiction" "an addiction to gambling".
Commitment/the state or quality of being dedicated to a cause, activity, etc.: "the company's commitment to quality".

This is a great time of the year to be observant of our addictions because it is most likely the one time of the year that we have such great excuses to indulge in them. It’s the holiday season, a time to celebrate, and overeat and overspend and forget about commitments we may have. How did the Holiday season, or Christmas become such a trap for our obsession with the material? How brainwashed have we become that we make the choices some of us may make. Like drinking and driving for instance. I sat in a karaoke bar the other night and had two guys almost attempt to force me to let them buy me a drink all night. I told them I had been drinking earlier before dinner and did not want to put any more alcohol in my body because I wanted to be able to drive home. At one time they both came at me together and one of them begged me to let him buy me a drink and the bartender stood back waiting for me to say yes. I sat choking on my words for a minute and thought of saying yes and not drinking the drink but I was in a bar and I am only human and I knew that I would be very tempted to finish the drink if it was in front of me. I know I scrunched up my face and shook my head and just replied ”No, I can’t, I really want to drive home”, and I ordered a cranberry and soda just to have something other than water in front of me. That seemed to ease their need to buy me a drink also. I watched at the end of the night as one of them who was very drunk got into his car and drove off and I wished I had convinced him to take a cab instead. I guess my commitment to healthy living outweighed the pressure put upon to drink and drive.

This is probably one of the biggest excuses we give ourselves for falling into our addictive pattern; Other people’s expectations that we join them in a “simple” drink, or puff, or toke, or taste of something and they will give us so many good reasons why we should. Also if we are shopaholics we tell ourselves that it makes us feel good to shop or we are just going to go out “window” shopping and not spend any money (yeah right). It could be gambling where we convince ourselves that the next one is the winner or maybe we believe we can do it just one more time and stop. This time of the year is great for food addicts because people are always wanting you to eat something and it is so easy to say “oh well its Christmas”, or “I’ll make a New Year’s resolution to go on a diet” (this is a good one for all addictions)

The only thing I can say is that life is about making a commitment to having a good life. No one is going to make your life that way you need it to be to make you happy. No one is to blame if your life is not going the way you want it to. No one but you is being hurt by your addictions, others may choose to suffer because you are not doing well but that would be their choice, you are still the one causing the pain for you. I am not a dedicated Christian but I believe in and love Jesus. Jesus was so committed to living his life connected to the Source, to the One God as it came to be known that he would not allow anyone to make him waver on his path. He believed so passionately in his connection that he was able to perform miracles. He had great faith which made him who he was. It is this same faith and commitment that we must find within ourselves in order to overcome the urges that we may have to fall into our old habits. We have to believe in something more powerful, wiser, and more loving than we are and have faith this Power, we can call God, or the Universe, or Higher Consciousness, or Buddha, or Goddess, whatever feels right, will guide us on our journey in life. I believe that it is this “Power” that is so loving when we allow ourselves to a part of it, that fills us with unconditional love of self and helps to remove the urges to be in need of material, mental, physical, or emotional satisfactions. When you fill your spirit with the power of Universal love you are no longer in need or in lack. This is when Majik can occur in your life.

So give yourself the gift of love this Holiday season and share this with all those around you and expect miracles to happen. Happy Holidays to you and please build a loving foundation to begin the next year with.

Majik - Letting Go of Labels

On numerous occasions, I have had people approach me and ask me to teach them how to do Majik. This appears to be such a simple request but so much is involved in it. I suggest books they can read and sometimes they are satisfied with this but recently someone explained to me that they just wanted to understand Majik and that left me stumped. He said that he was reading books on witchcraft and the basics of doing spells but he needed to understand what Majik is. For me, this was a challenge as I tried to think of someone to pass him on to while my “crew” (spirit guides and helpers) kept pushing on me to deal with it myself so here we are making an attempt to work together to explain. First and foremost I believe that in order to understand Majik you have to first expand your consciousness by letting go of your attachment to this three-dimensional reality.

The most Majikal experience in life is witnessing the first breath of a newborn babe. That first breath is that one second of innocence born into this existence. As we mature and gather knowledge we lose that innocence. Everything we know and believe to be true, we have been taught by our parents, caretakers, and/or mentors in this lifetime. From our very first breath we were labeled, “baby boy or girl” and then we were given our name(s), another label and these are labels that define who we are and what our potential roles will be in life. We came to know that when we were hungry we needed to eat food and all of that we learned from those around us. Everything thing we see, hear or touch we were told by someone else the label that applied to it, I mean everything. Science has its own approach as well as Religion and Metaphysics, but still, these are all based on opinions passed down from generation to generation. Sometimes theories are proven wrong and then we believe in the new story but we still make the choice what we will believe. Unfortunately, some of us tend to hold on tightly to what we believe and try to force our beliefs onto others. Majik is about letting go of what we think we know and learn how to be more intimate with the Universe and its natural laws.

The labels affecting us most are the ones we first acquired which are what sex we are, who we are and where we come from, sexism, racism, classism. When people see me one of the first questions I will be asked is where do I come from? Sometimes I just want to walk away but I can see in their eyes that it has some meaning to them so I engage in that conversation. What I really want to say is that it is not important, that we are all here now and we have made this our home because I am so far removed from where my grandparents originated from and they were torn from their original country because of slavery so this conversation is really mute. But I don’t want to be a drama queen so I engage in the conversation they expect from me but I know one day that well is going to open and someone is going to experience me ranting on about this (but in a gentle way).

That brings up another barrier to Majik; the need to be who and what we are expected to be. We have so conformed to the roles given us and try so hard to live up to them. Some of us are in fear of exploring other areas or speaking our minds about the simplest things in our lives. Religion is one area where people may become stuck and have a great fear of moving away from even though they really don’t approve of the beliefs of the institute that they have been raised to be a part of. This can also apply to relationships and the need to stay in a situation that may be volatile because of what you have chosen to believe. Remember these are always your choice, even though someone else may have impressed these beliefs upon you, you are choosing to hold on to them. Sometimes it’s a fear of moving out of our comfort zone or it may be the child mind that learned too well to believe that certain groups or individuals had the right to force their beliefs upon us. Also, we may believe that it is our responsibility to suffer over the choices we have made. Remember choices give you the opportunity to explore different experiences in life so you can learn. To grow we have to be willing to move on once we have learned our lesson or we may end up on the wrong end of a situation that does not serve us well. When you feel you have sorted yourself out on some level always think of what’s ahead of you of what the next step is because what is behind you was put there to position you to continue to move forward, like the step of a staircase and you have to keep moving upwards. Sometimes it may be just a thought that we have been ignoring but is connected to our deepest desire. Just taking the one step may open the way for more opportunities more aide, to open that door fully. This is when Majik happens when we surrender our fears and take that step.

For me, Majik occurs by letting go, and if you can read the aforementioned and begin to let go of any rigid belief that you are holding on to then you are taking the first step to understanding Majik. This is just the first in a series of articles I will be writing on Majik as I wish to give anyone interested time to process and maybe do the work on taking the first step. If you need help, ask for it, the Universe is there to serve you.

Creating Sacred Space

" If in any way we ignore the fact that we attracted this situation into our lives and we have control of it when we let go and just be, then we don't become the drama"

The past few months I have been focusing on being at one with my inner peace. With strong intentions when I begin to drift into those shady places I bring myself back. Very consciously I visualize symbols of peace around me and breathe them throughout my five lower bodies. I find myself spending more time with me. The past few weeks have been challenging and I found myself struggling to keep my space clean. Today was even more intense and in the middle of probably my worst struggle of all for some time I got it. This thought floated through my mental space "If you treat yourself as the Goddess/God that you are, then you will always feel good about who you are." I stopped beating myself up and smiled and then laughed. It was just that easy!

Wow! I thought after all these years it was just that simple. But it really isn't that simple just being who we are or who we see yourself becoming. We get so caught up in the drama around us and it is so addictive and our mirror gets foggy. We start taking in the attitude and actions of others and next thing we know, we are the drama. If in any way we ignore the fact that we attracted this situation into our lives and we have control of it when we let go and just be then we don't become the drama. No one can pull us into it or make it happen, we make the choice to let our emotions become a part of it and we vibrate our energy with it and become immersed in it once again. It can only happen if we let it, whatever the "it" may be in your life.

So now I am fighting my way out of some bad habits I have picked up over the past six years living in Surrey. It feels good like I just walked away from a prison sentence, which it is only my emotions were the bars holding me back. I know this is going to create big change in my life and believe me I am open to it. This comes at a good time as I am manifesting a new home or a big change in homelife and holding a peaceful space with make it even more welcome

Making Choices in the Moment

I had a vivid lucid dream the other night and I am sure it was the result of a free workshop that I was participating in hosted by Deepak Chopra's introductory course to his online workshop " "Synchrodestiny ". Last week before participating in the online intro workshop I watched a show about the swamps of Florida and swamp men hunting alligators, and giant cobras and one guy actually caught a giant pirana which they called a puca with adult-sized teeth. I thought about my father and how he loved fishing and how I felt regret about not learning how to fish That night in my Dreamtime I was thinking the thought about regretting not learning how to fish and then I was beside a lake which I knew was full of fish and I had a fishing rod in my hand and someone asked if I need help and I said no and I prepared the rod and threw it into the lake and I felt the pull on my line. I could actually feel myself reeling the fish in. I felt so proud of myself and so connected with my father.

My intent is always to reach another level of awareness on my journey. I accomplish this by letting go of "stuff": emotions, ego, expectations, disappointments, anger, frustrations. All the heaviness that keeps me stuck in patterns I acknowledge their existence in my space and then I strive to raise my energy above what is holding me down. I usually apply several techniques to move through things. I listen to recordings which I take the time to make that guide me away from my stuff, sometimes I use the resources on the internet also I love some of the binaural beats which can be easily found on Youtube. I meditate and move energy throughout my body, lightening up those dark areas. I change my self-talk with the use of intention. I walk, stretch, exercise to move energy that weighs me down. Diet is also very important in letting go. I drink more water and eat less meat and add a lot more greens to my daily intake.

It's surprising how the toxic people seem to disappear as my energy starts to peak. I do become more sensitive to energies and my environment in general. A lot of times I prefer to be by myself, not alone because I can be my own best company at the best of times. I have many creative outlets so I do entertain myself. I am open to the company of anyone who can hold their space and are on a like-minded level and desire companionship; friend, lover, brother, sister, whatever. I consider everyone I connect with as my teacher and pay great attention to the lessons awarded me. I am grateful for the gifts that I received from everyone that has been a part of my life in any way.

Right this moment I am struggling with a situation that is resulting from having to share yard space with someone who brought a dog into the space and does not clean up after it. I lost my temper but I feel I needed to vent because after hearing "I'll take care of it" 3 or 4 times, it gets to be frustrating. All I want is for the dog to be taken out for walks to do her business so the children who live upstairs are not walking barefoot in dog mess. The owner of the dog does not want to take responsibility so I vent. Sometimes you just have to do what you have to do until you get that you are creating your own misery by the way you are reacting, I must admit that it felt good to vent and get it out of my system and the dog is still running free doing her mess in the yard. At this time I have to let go of the frustration and accept that I did put out my intent while venting and hope for the best. I can only control my space and my emotions and the dog does what a dog does. Other people live by their own standards and either I accept it and not use the yard or know I have put out my intent and expect the best to happen. I choose the latter.

Again I have been presented with a situation that moved me out of my center. I also just listened to Deepak Chopra's last installment of his free introduction to his online workshop " Synchrodestiny", and what stuck out for me was when he shared that he has been working on this material for decades. I can relate to that and at that moment I realized that I had the tools necessary to pull myself right out of all the family drama. So that is exactly what I did. Living in the drama for the past 6 years and at some point making a choice to be a part of it ends right now. I breathe deeply and with ease and I feel good about this decision. I can actually see a new path opening for me and I know it is the more peace and adventure that I seek.

Every day and every situation is a lesson to be learned and lived. When we realize this life becomes the University that it is and we immerse our self into being students and learning the hard way or the easy way. Letting go of needing to blame others for our life situation is an easier path to enlightenment. By always giving our self choices we empower our self to let go and not be a victim in life. So I continue to write to keep things light and airy in my space.

Hold On!: - Life is good

We are all powerful beings although we often do not see or recognize our-self as such.

We all have our strengths, things that we are good at but we also have weaknesses. I believe that we have accomplished something in our lives that we felt we could not achieve. No matter how small it may seem to be right now just for this moment accept it as a success in your life. There has to be a moment in your existence when you told yourself “ Gee I never really thought I could get here, or do this” or some similar response.

Now if only we could hold on to those moments; trap them within our-self and pull them out when we need a good kick n the butt. But who says we can't? Just follow along as I ponder on this based on my own life experiences. Now can you recall the first time ever that you felt depressed? Unhappy? Sad? I bet you that this is an easy place to remember (more than likely easier to feel than your last moment of success) and for many of us familiar. I think depression is a chronic illness that drags sad and unhappy along with it and disappointment, and frustration are close behind. You may have your own personal stragglers that follow along this path also as I do. It is so much easier to move into this mood because sometimes we are so unaware that we go there. Depression is like comfort food, we know it may not be good for us for so many reasons but what the heck, we indulge anyway.

Depression is a state of being that I have great respect for because if you let it grab you by the nose and pull you through you will find yourself swimming in some rather murky, gooey waters. The one good thing about it is that it is one of those things that we choose to attach our-self to, kind of like our other addictions so trust me there is always a choice with any addiction no matter how hard it may seem.. It's funny I see people who say they are depressed and after speaking with them I may find out that they have some type of addiction, let's say alcohol, or marijuana or maybe both which may be either a cause of their state of being or a byproduct. An addict may be in great denial and refer to them self as a social drinker/ smoker and may be eager to point out others that are alcoholics and never seeing there own addictive behaviour. This could be anyone from any walk of life, from a social drop out to anything in between or a hard working person making good money and never really getting anywhere because they have directed their passion to their addiction and that which they have not accomplished in their lives.

Now I am going to run amok and paint a scenario of an addictive personality which many of us have.
So let's say we are dealing with a drinker and a marijuana smoker combo being a person who drinks every day and has to smoke a few joints per day. This could also be someone addicted to emotional drama, material possessions, food, sex, you name your game as you see fit. Now we all have our levels of functioning and we have different lives to live. So this person has a regular routine and functions well within it. Usually, they are in lack emotionally maybe focusing a lot of attention to the past and how hard their life was and maybe trying to reach out for what they think they have missed in their lives. So as they say you get what you put out and struggling becomes the theme of their existence and they attract more of what they are lacking(bringing back visions of my past now). Usually, they find someone or something to blame their neediness on and may convince them self this is a valid reason for being depressed, addicted, unhappy frustrated, etc.

Well yeah, been there done that for some time. Then one day, maybe 3 decades ago I actually heard and got a message from several sources, “don't allow yourself to be depressed for more than that fifteen minutes; after that focus your attention on something else.” I tried it and I had to redirect my attention several times but after awhile I began to forget to be depressed because I was too busy doing something else. Funny how that works! I dare you to try it out and let me know or maybe I am just that weird that it worked for me, Anyway it is a technique that I still use to climb out of the dumps. If you are really struggling, I suggest you get help from some type of professional because honestly, I work every day on my stuff just to stay afloat. I think that as long as I live I will be a participant in this school of life. I have been in the Wellness business for many decades and have a trunk full of gifts that I work with (very compressed one at that) and although I don't preach to everyone but I do enjoy writing my thoughts down and sharing. This is also a great way to move those ever-flowing stream of thoughts, write or preach if you may, just get things moving away from you. Stop holding on to heavy thoughts and ideas, learn to move yourself up and away from them (in your mind's eye literally) rise above them and learn to breathe in deep into your soul. Try walking in nature at least three days a week, find a park or plot of grass, garden or tree to connect with if you have to as nature is truly the Universes healing force. These are things that really work for me the best is walking in a forest for at least an hour. This brings me to a place of peace within that stays with me for days (a few hours in greenery or by water).


I am proud to be a student in the University of Life and I know that every day is a lesson in living. I work towards leaving struggles behind me and making the way for more light and love. I am once again focusing on a drama free life to leave room for more joy and passion. It is a challenge with so much family and friends around but the best things we can do for each is other is to not bite into each other stress and worry. Share good times with each other and respect each other's space. Remember who you are in that place of quiet and hold on to that. Life is good

What Dreams Are Made Of

How do you live your life without experiencing your dreams? How do you integrate your passions into your material world? When do you make decisions of paying a fat mortgage, never-ending car payments, designer clothes, the latest new gadgets over spiritual gratification? How do you bring yourself back from getting so tightly wrapped into that spiral of trying to find satisfaction in the material world? When do we stop and follow our dreams?

Many of us work really hard to have the things that are important for us in our lives. Sometimes we become so focused on what we have to do that we forget about our passions. We may go on day in and day out determined to maintain our everyday routine because it fulfills our material manifestations. We may be dying inside every day and ignoring it because everything on the outside is taken care of. One day someone like me, for instance, may ask you “Why are you struggling so much doing something that does not make you happy?” The answer I usually get is the same. “I am doing this because it gives me enough money to pay my bills and take care of my life and if I don't do this, if I follow my passions my material world will fall apart.” Now, this really is being stuck between a rock and a hard thing. But this is also a very familiar place for most of us.

I have witnessed people whose lives begin to fall into pieces, and they keep patching the pieces together; holding on to the strings of what they need to do to survive. They may become stressed and worn from patching their lives together but they keep holding on to those strings, tying knots and praying for their lives to get better. The older a person is and the more responsibility they have taken on seems to secure the anchor that holds them in these patterns.

Sometimes they share their dreams with me, dreams that they have pushed aside because they have convinced them self that they cannot move on and pick up the dream where they left off lifetimes ago. It is when they truly feel that this is their duty, their responsibility that they become so ingrained in being that person. They feel that they will let everyone down who depends upon them if they stop for a minute to actually look at the possibility of doing something else.

My question is, “How do you live your life without experiencing your dreams?” Why make it so difficult to find and have more joy in your life. How dare you make your family or any part of your life an excuse for not opening up to the creative forces within you. When did having a hobby become obsolete? I remember a time when having a hobby was normal and encouraged. I remember my mother as a single parent used to buy my brothers miniature models, fish, turtles, and sports and other boy things to spark their interest. With us girls, she gave books to read, taught us how to knit and crochet, encourage us to sew and cook and lessons in skating and swimming. She taught us all card games and board games always working towards keeping our hands busy and our minds open.

How do you walk away from that much creativity as a child and become an adult with no outside interest besides working and having a beer and watching TV.? What makes your curiosity blank out completely and keep you stuck in thinking you cannot express your creative desires because you are grown and busy? Have you become your father or mother or the father or mother that you never had. Are you trying to prove something to yourself? Where did your passion go, where is it hiding?

What were your dreams made of in that long ago time? Can you still see them, touch them, feel them? If you can then it is so easy to get up and do them. It just takes one thought to follow through with just one time. Let go and see where it takes you.

Trust Me?...

To be true in a relationship, one must be true to the very heart of who they are. When we fall in love we want to give our all and more to that other. We want to commit to this one being and be there for them in all ways. We expect trust and honesty and nothing less.

Balance Unconditional Love(picture)

Alas, but fate may have other plans in store for us because one day the unthinkable occurs. True love has deceived us and our whole world has fallen apart and we are heartbroken and devastated! It may not be true love but a friend, our health, or some other life circumstances that we committed our self to that went sour suddenly. Our world comes crashing down around us and we now find it almost impossible to find solid ground to stand upon.

But first, there is the deep disappointment to deal with and the fear, anger, hurt, confusion, and the doubt and shame. It's funny how we can turn something so beautiful as love and/or passion and allow it to become so many other unloving emotions by just one bad thought. But when we are in the midst of our sorrow we are not thinking of what we are doing to our self, but only of how we got here and usually of who or what turned us in this direction. Now we are no longer in trust and when we continue on this path we move into a very insecure foundation for the relationship(s) to operate on. So now we are trusting ourselves less because Trust demands a one hundred percent commitment in order to be present at its very best in the Now Moment.

But who is not Trusting who? It is it me or you, or them or maybe my whole world will fall out of Trust and nothing will ever be the same. At this point, I must say that I am so glad that I have six decades of experience to cushion me in those moments and the good thing about this is that you may believe me when I say that it gets easier in time. But whatever you believe let me not leave you hanging and I will continue with this scenario. So Trust has taken a walk, stage left out of our lives and our world is crashing all around us.

Now we may need someone to blame for the way we are choosing to feel or react to because of what had knocked us off our feet. We may think or believe that by directing anger and hurt toward someone else, that they will actually see how we feel and maybe change things back to some sense of normality. But it is the belief that they have done me wrong that has brought me to this place with no Trust. Without Trust comes a lot of sadness, drama, depression, blame, dysfunctions, addictions etc. The only problem with moving away from Trust is that we now do not trust our self so we now carry doubt very close to us as we attempt to look for answers.

The funny thing about holding on to any limited emotion is that we take our self back into our past and connect with every moment that we felt this way. If we are fragile enough, we may then begin to judge our life by what we are feeling. If we continue to see the relationship that we are dealing with through these eyes, it will obviously begin to crumble. We have chosen a crooked path to walk upon.

Now we are really in a dump and maybe feeling justified to be in this hole we are digging. (Right now I feel as though I used to be so good at beating myself up because this is so easy to share and remember.) Things may even get worse depending on the mental state one is in when experiencing being deceived. So there are a few things I have learned over the years that I must now share. Just see this as food for thought. Feel free to agree or disagree at any time.

First and most important: When we feel hurt the first thing we do is look for someone to blame for our feelings. Never do we stop to think about how “our feelings” can only be created or felt by us and only us. We seek out the object of our blame with the only intention being to make them see, and/or understand how we feel. An impossible mission but one we all attempt many times in our life. This is the point where we are headed down a one way street with a dead end but human nature, being what it is, we continue down the dark alley once again. We may consult with good friends and they attempt to understand what is going on and usually project their own version of what they assume we feel. They also may share their life circumstances that accompany the emotions and give advice based on their own life experience.

Remember this, since we have chosen to “feel this way, it will only get better when we choose not to feel this way anymore. When we actually get that the difficulty is not in trusting the other person to be who we expect them to be but to get back to trusting who we are and the choices that we are about to make. All we can do is get input from this other person and maybe get a sense of where they are coming from. If this is the first time a problem has occurred then it may or may not be easier to make choices. There is a place within us that knows on a soul level exactly what is going on at all times with all relationships. We are all human beings on a spiritual journey (or is it the other way around ?). I believe that this journey guides us through situations to help us grow and mature on a spiritual level. We all cannot choose to live on the mountain away from the material existence, that would make life very boring for many of us. So in the real world, we have created, we must learn to trust those deep gut feeling within us.

Another point I need to make is that when we fall in love and somehow put another being on a bit of a pedestal we actually bring our self down. The fluff around love sometimes blinds us a bit as we go through the “honeymoon stage” of relationships. The intensity of the emotions also mushrooms our vision of who this person is. Sometimes we feel so at one with this person that we think we know exactly who they are. We may even ignore those signs that come up, telling our self that they would never do that to us even though their past history may be somewhat daunting. The truth of the matter is that what we are seeing in that person is actually a mirror of who we are becoming. We see our true selves in the love that we share with others or maybe who we wish to be.

So now its time to find some Trust. In order to do this, we have to decide exactly who we are, what we want, and what we are willing to put up with. We may also have to decide how much work we are actually willing to put into a relationship; how much are you willing to commit to? Sometimes you have to be willing to guide and teach the other how to be in a Trusting relationship. We also have to believe completely in our self and our feelings and our sense of what is going on around us. If you cannot find Trust within you, how will you know how to Trust another?

Oh but the one thing I have learned in my sixty plus years is that I bounce, or fly, or swim and sometimes do the unimaginable without a thought. I have learned to trust the Universe and know that she puts many lessons before me. All the people that I have fallen out with have taught me my greatest lessons in life. The greatest gift I can give myself is to hold them in the light and send them love. The only healthy way to get out of a broken heart or heartbreaking disappointment is to take full responsibility for your emotions and bite the bullet and move forward. Try to understand the strength that you have gained from your experience and the value it has added to you in your life.

Walking in Darkness

So the last post I wrote ended with a comment of me overcoming some chronic illnesses in my life. Unfortunately, I have allowed a few labels to be placed upon me by the medical profession to explain the aftermath of very traumatic medical experience in my life. So let me first recap and go back a few years, and bring you all up to speed.

I was admitted to the hospital with Graves Dysease (hyperthyroidism) in 2002. During my admittance I was informed that I was in the final stages and at the point where my internal organs were beginning to shut down (as was told by the admittance nurse in the hospital). I actually collapsed on my way into the hospital and was put in a wheel chair as I answered the necessary questions. I have little recollection of much as time blurred in and out for me for a couple of days.

Now how did I get here in this dire state of being? How did I not realize how sick I was? This is how I remember it in my faded memory. I recall not feeling right, a little more nervous than usual. I believe I let that voice in my head take control because I had lost control of my sensibility. Graves’s dysease is about hyperactivity in the thyroid and my whole system was a mess of nervous energy.

I walked and walked; something I used to do as a child to get away from the arguing and violence between my parents. I lived in my head at that time. I remember moments of weakness but I would just sit for a while and then continue walking. I lived alone in North Van and I had isolated myself from family and friends. I remember going for a sauna one day and feeling as though my heart was going to bust out of my body. I lay down for a long time, before going back up to my apartment.

That incident was very scary and got me to thinking sensibly for a moment. I realized that something was wrong. Also I was losing control of my bowel movements. I would sit and cry because I did not know what to do. Fortunately it was Christmas time and my family invited me spend the holidays with them in Langley. I made the decision then that I would call a family meeting and tell them about my situation

It was Boxing Day and I had just attempted to walk up the stairs to take a nap. My heart began pumping as though I was in a race. I lied down for a moment and went back downstairs and told my daughter and my niece that I need to go to the hospital. They took me to a clinic the next day and the doctor (who was filling in for another doctor) knew immediately what was wrong with me. He called the hospital to tell them that I was coming in and had my family take me there ASAP . I was diagnosed with Congestive Heart Failure caused by being in the final stages of Graves Dysease.
I woke up and a very stout nurse with short dark hair was standing over me asking me if I was in pain. I said something like I felt like a truck had run over my chest. She commented that that was what it was like when your heart was a few times larger than normal. She briefed me on how to inject myself with the morphine that was attached to my hand, gave me some water and I drifted off to Neverland.

I felt like I was living in someone else world. I was in a glassed room across the hall from ICU. It was mostly quite at least I think it was. I felt like I just wanted to lie there forever and let everyone around me decide what my life was to be. So what happened to help me mover forward...stay tuned

Being The Goddess Within

Lately I have been approached by different folk from different walks of life concerning the work that I am involved in, mainly my connection with the Goddess. The articles that I recently wrote on “Aphrodite- The Temple of Love – Our Sacred Space” is just my opinion based somewhat on what I have learned through reading, research, listening and working with many Womyn in this area.

The previous blog post on Aphrodite covered just one aspect of the personality of that particular Goddess. I have decided to break down each of the Greek Goddess personalities into categories such as: the Mother/daughter relationship (in the home), environment (out in the world), Profession (complimentary careers), Partners (marriage and unions), the Inner Goddess (the pros and cons of the personality).

I believe that in our search to understand ourselves we may become too attached to one aspect of who we are and may find it difficult to move out of our skin and deal with other areas of our lives. Womyn in her wholeness embraces all aspects of the Goddess as she goes within and grows and accepts who she is. I believe we embrace the different aspects as we deal with what life puts before us.

I also believe that as we allow our creative nature to grow and express ourselves unconsciously we also embrace our deeper inner needs. When this occurs we also let go of the fear of who we are as we become less attached to the ego self and more in tune to our inner needs and desires.

Working with the Goddess is natural and comfortable for me. I feel blessed to be able to connect energetically with this flow of knowledge and wisdom. As I write and channel this information I invite you to join me and continue to send me messages and comments. I am blessed to attract such amazing people into my circle of life.
Blessings

The Temple of Love – Our Sacred Space - Aphrodite: Golden Goddess of Love – The Goddess among all people

We all possess some of the qualities of the five Greek Goddesses. At this time I am embracing more of Aphrodite than I have in years. In my maturity and in alignment with the work that I continually do with my five lower bodies (mental, emotional, physical, psychic and spiritual) I am experiencing her much differently.

I am aware of feeling very intimate with myself because I accept who I am more unconditionally. I have been working on a proposal for a radio show I was offered to do and it had me tapping into my comfortable place and pushing deeper into my truth to honesty answer the questions presented.

To fully understand these feelings one must go back to a time when Aphrodite was honored and revered as the Goddess of Love in the temples of ancient times. The temples trained young woman in the pleasure of love and loving. An acolyte had to learn how to look and feel good about herself as a Womyn. She was taught to pay attention to the needs of men to pleasure them and to teach them how to pleasure Womyn. There was ritual and ceremony involved and sex was a sacred union in the Temple.

The Temples were a place of respite for weary travelers and for those who were looking for the sacredness of sexuality. The acolytes were also considered to be teachers and well versed in their fields. Any children birthed in the temples were considered to be the son of God and it was the Temples responsibility to raise them.

Over the past 40 years I have read and researched and absorbed a lot of information around the discovery of the image of the Goddess and anything associated with it. What I have written here comes from that sacred space deep within me that I am connecting with. If you want proof of any of this then you will have to find it for yourself or within yourself. This is what I believe to be true.

I believe that if we taught our children about the sacredness of our Temple, the sacredness of our sexuality it would help them ease a little more through those difficult times of self discovery. I think this would give them a reference point to connect to when they begin to explore. Personally I know that when I consider the value of who I am I tend to make better choices for me and I am less influenced by outside forces.

Find your sacred space within you and dare to feel nurtured and loved and cared for. Encourage yourself to be comfortable in your skin, in your environment, your community, your Universe. Honour your Temple and be love.

Following my Purpose

The very first time I encountered Afrikan Divination was at a psychic Fair in Vancouver. Before I actually stepped firmly into myself as a Psychic Healer I used to be in awe of Psychic Fairs. Rather I was drawn to them and tried to spend as much time as possible at them. I usually had a reading but would also spend the weekend examining all the different techniques and modalities. It was in the mid eighties that I was introduced to Reiki.

My parents loved to garden and since early childhood I would curiously listen as they shared their relationship with the plants and weeds in the back yard. My grandfather (Mom’s dad) declared that it was only natural for me to show an interest in plants because his first wife, my grandmother used plants for healing.

Hands-on-healing was as natural to me as communing with the vegetation around me. I recall watching an old black and white movies about a faith healer with my mother (maybe it was not so old at the time…) She told me that people actually could help others heal with their hands and then suggested that maybe I could do that. That made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside and that thought stayed with me throughout the years.

My life naturally flowed into being a Spiritual Healer after receiving my Reiki. I participated in psychic fairs throughout the interior of B.C., in Alberta, Ontario and just across the border in Blaine. I enjoy the work immensely and I know that this is my path, my purpose. I am now just learning to relax and enjoy not only my passion as a healer but my passions in life, for living and enjoying life to the fullest.

I am now preparing to step firmly into the role as a Teacher on a wider scale. I have accumulated so much knowledge over the past sixty five years and I know that there are many out there who will benefit from me as I will benefit from them. There are a wide scope of presentations and events to come, just stayed tuned to this site and/or leave a comment, make a suggestion or call or Facebook me. I would also love to collaborate with you on a project.

The Art of Divination - Receiving a reading

Divination has been used as a means of predicting the outcome of life’s mysteries since tribal life existed. At times important decisions were not made unless first consulting with the tribal Divinator and then the right course of action would be taken. Some instances would be illness, war, hunting, traveling, and family and or tribal decisions. Even now we are aware of “signs” to guide us in our daily lives. The readings I provide are a combination of Zulu Divination, Venda Tablets, Astrology, and various decks of tarot.

Divination readings are an excellent way to look at one’s life and get a feel of what is happening from the inside out. A reading of any kind would allow one to be able to take a peak at the circumstances of their life and help in making decisions on what the next step may be.

The readings I perform will enlighten you in areas of your home, family, career, health, finances and all major areas of your life. A session covers the health and well being of your mental, emotional, physical and spiritual bodies. The focus is on the relationship you are having with yourself and others and how they can evolve. My goal is and always will be is to assist you to better understand your contribution to your life’s circumstances and to improve them.

The reading will not foretell fame fortune, gloom or doom. What it will do is open your mind up to what is really occurring in your life and those close to you and allow you to make decisions on the outcomes you choose. You may explore different outcomes and see what the results will be so it does assist in making right choices.

I am honest, compassionate and accurate and I am here to serve you.

#Bones that Know "Helping you to move forward on your journey"

Many of us have those moments where we wonder how we are going to move forward in our lives. Unsurety of our next move and fear that we are going to make the same mistakes that we made in the past could leave us insecure about an investment in a relationship, business venture, property, career decisions, or.....(fill in the blanks,) Let's face it we are all spiritual beings on a human journey and we are here to learn so much. It is only natural to trip and falter on that journey as we learn our lessons along the way. I believe that we each possess the key to an inner well of information and knowledge within and the problem being that we need our vessel and our minds to be clear to acccess this information and to trust that the connection gives us the power to use it. Not all of us understand how to tap into this source even though our connection is strong and some of us dive into it at will.

I beleive that I move easily between the veil of the known/unknown, seen/unseen, heard/unheard, visible and invisible, realms of the Universe. I do not see death as an ending but as movement through the veil into other realms, dimensions, galaxies, unlimited potential. I respect the pain expereinced by others because of a passing of a loved one but I also sense, feel the presence of the one passing over and I choose to connect with the higher vibration of this energy if possible, which is not always what the bereaved individual is connecting with. Not only do I connect with those passing over in this way but also with those that have passed over, the Ancestors, and those that are here now. When I connect in this manner I will only speak what I believe to be the Truth revealed at a higher vibration.

I beleive that I am highly intuitive or "psychic" as some refer to it as. I see this as a gift that I use to assist others to connect or re-connect with the inner well of knowledg at a higher vibration. I use Afrikan divination as a tool to open the "door" to the unseen aspect of your worlds and we delve into it together to resolve mental, physical, spiritual, emotional, and energetic (the five lower bodies) issues, blocks, etc. in your life. I am a compassionate listener and have the ability to stay outside of the situation to allow you an inside out look at your life. Hands on and remote healing sessions assists to release the five lower bodies of the attachment to any lower vibrating energies that create holding patterns that keep you "down " in your life. I also create magic symbols and creams and potions to assist in maintianing a higher vibration. My mission in Truth is to "Help you to move forward on your journey" and to anchor you into a higher vibration. Blessings

How comfortable are you

Greetings all and the best to you for the New Year. I have been absent since June of last year, I felt I had to reevaluate the time I was spending on the web. I am back with a new attitude and a new sense of well being.

One doesn't discover new lands without consenting to lose sight, for a very long time, of the shore.

André Paul Gide (22 November 1869 – 19 February 1951) was a French author and winner of the Nobel Prize in literature in 1947

This quote expresses just where I am at and how I have been feeling for the past few months. I am consciously moving out of my comfort zone; and this opens me up to a new life, a new way of being. I recognize just how hard I have been working to create a safety net around myself just to be comfortable. The more I move out of my comfort zone, the more at peace, at home I feel within myself. I am recognizing that by worrying about how things will turn out is most often worst than the actual outcome. So I choose to move away from the shore with only the greatest of expectations and therefore I am discovering the new life that begins at the end of my comfort zones. I am becoming a pioneer in my life as I venture into those unknown areas that I used to hold in fear of entering, of living to the fullest. There is a feeling of excitement in living that I never experienced before. I also feel that I am now able to do what is best for me rather than doing what I feel that I should do because it is the right thing to do. I truly understand the concept of living life through my passions and by adding gratitude to the formula, I am provided with all the comfort I require plus more.

Music and the Heart

Gabriel Mark Hasselbach

It is going to be a really fun weekend in Vancouver, and I hope to see you! All the patio seating should be open and inviting....

Saturday 4-7 pm ~ I play with Billy Dixon and Soultrain Express at Luxe Lounge (1180 Howe St) - Soul and 80's favs!

Saturday 7:30-10:30 pm ~ I am at Ten Ten Tapas (1010 Beach Ave on the Seawalk) - The lineup of guest performers is always exciting, c'mon down!

Sunday 11:30-2:30 pm ~ I am playing JAZZ BRUNCH at Ten Ten Tapas (1010 Beach Ave) - Amazing view, amazing food!

Sunday 4:00-5:00 pm ~ I am playing original material with a full band at Jazz Vespers (St Andrews Wesley Church, Burrard @ Smithe) - Rene Worst, Chris Haas, and Jason Decouto will join me.




Music is one of the most powerful forms of healing in the Universe. As a singer and performer I can testify to that as each time I finish a performance I feel enlightened, joyful, free and satisfied. Until recently that is. Most of my experience as a performer has been on the Sunshine Coast of B.C. That is actually where it all began for me. I just decided one day I wanted to sing and while at a jam at Peter Light's fire circle in Gibsons, B.C. I got up and sang a song and I never stopped. I have participated in many plays, music events, whatever felt comfortable for me; comfort being the key word here. I left the coast about three years ago and moved back to Vancouver and just recently have been attempting to enter the music community. Gabriel Mark Hasselbach, one of Canada's leading jazz artists facilitates a music jam at Ten Ten Tapis Restaurant and he offered to do a recording for me. After working hard for about a week on my songs (struggling) I went to his studio. I have never struggled so much with my voice and at the time I was clueless of what was going on. Gabriel is a kind and compassionate man with a sharp ear for music and I have seen him work with other musicians and he is amazing at guiding them and helping them to realize their potential. I think he would be great at facilitating workshops and/or one to one, teaching musicians/singers to reach into themselves to find their full potential. He took me step by step through what I needed to do to reach my voice and I knew everything he was saying was what I had been telling myself all week but alas I was still stuck. We did a recording which is awesome but when I listen to it I feel like my throat is stifled.

I thought about everything I knew and what he said, (it is so helpful to hear things from other people) and I realized what my real issue was. I had been out of the music community for so long that I was coming back into it with fear. Fear of not fitting in, fear of failure, fear of being judged,.... so much fear that I was stifling myself. Also when I began singing again I also began to experience this amazing heart opening, but the fear was getting in the way of the process. So I let go and began to breathe again and let the music sit in my Creative centre (sexual centre and centre for joy - 2nd Chakra) where it belongs and I went to bed and slept on it. I woke up with a song, sounding absolutely wonderful (as well as one can sound first thing in the morning). I'm back!!! Feeling comfortable and relaxed in my body once more I am ready to move forward. Thanks Gabriel what I received from you was a gift, you are truly awesome!

Gabriel Mark Hasselbach can be seen on Saturday evenings at 7:p.m. at Ten Ten Tapis Restaurant on 1010 Beach Avenue where he plays music for about an hour and then invites other performers and musicians up to join him. He also plays music here on Sunday morning brunch. Check it out I promise you will not be disappointed.
Listen to his music at one of these sites:

Pesonal site: www.gabrieljazz.com

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/user/windtunnelmultimedia

Spring has sprung amongst us. - Happy Easter

Spring is here as we approach the upcoming Easter celebration. I have always thought of Easter as a time for the bunny rabbit to appear and drop candy upon all those children impatiently awaiting the "Easter Egg Hunt" This year I feel the prescence of the Divine around me, embracing me. I completely understand how this is because of so many praying and giving thanks to the Christ Energy. I beleive that you cannot separate the Mother Mary from the Christ Jesus as she was alway at hands length to support and guide her Son on his Journey as Mothers do. Mary suffered the greatest pain a Mother could experience in losing a child and then the greatest Joy at his ressurection. This is a time of understanding the deepest levels of sacrifice through the eyes of the Mother and the Son. Jesus taught us to honor the divine within no matter what other may expect from you and to speak Truth.

I beleive that preparing and being a part of the Moon Lounge experience has been a transformational journey which aligned me with Divine energy in a way which I have never experienced in this lifetime. I feel at peace with my life and grateful and joyful and in complete surrender. I am so sure of my purpose, my mission in life and all I have to do is walk that walk, stay on the path of love and let my life happen. As long as I have passion for life and what I must do the way will present itself.

Easter is a time of giving thanks to the Divine for teaching us of Sacrifice; it is a time of Gratitude for what life has offered us. I am in complete surrender to Gratitude and I accept all that It has to share with me. I surrender to the Divine Will and allow myself to be a vessel for the Goodness of the Divine.

I look forward to moving forward on my journey and sharing more with you....

Happy Easter