Alas, but fate may have other plans in store for us because one day the unthinkable occurs. True love has deceived us and our whole world has fallen apart and we are heartbroken and devastated! It may not be true love but a friend, our health, or some other life circumstances that we committed our self to that went sour suddenly. Our world comes crashing down around us and we now find it almost impossible to find solid ground to stand upon.
But first, there is the deep disappointment to deal with and the fear, anger, hurt, confusion, and the doubt and shame. It's funny how we can turn something so beautiful as love and/or passion and allow it to become so many other unloving emotions by just one bad thought. But when we are in the midst of our sorrow we are not thinking of what we are doing to our self, but only of how we got here and usually of who or what turned us in this direction. Now we are no longer in trust and when we continue on this path we move into a very insecure foundation for the relationship(s) to operate on. So now we are trusting ourselves less because Trust demands a one hundred percent commitment in order to be present at its very best in the Now Moment.
But who is not Trusting who? It is it me or you, or them or maybe my whole world will fall out of Trust and nothing will ever be the same. At this point, I must say that I am so glad that I have six decades of experience to cushion me in those moments and the good thing about this is that you may believe me when I say that it gets easier in time. But whatever you believe let me not leave you hanging and I will continue with this scenario. So Trust has taken a walk, stage left out of our lives and our world is crashing all around us.
Now we may need someone to blame for the way we are choosing to feel or react to because of what had knocked us off our feet. We may think or believe that by directing anger and hurt toward someone else, that they will actually see how we feel and maybe change things back to some sense of normality. But it is the belief that they have done me wrong that has brought me to this place with no Trust. Without Trust comes a lot of sadness, drama, depression, blame, dysfunctions, addictions etc. The only problem with moving away from Trust is that we now do not trust our self so we now carry doubt very close to us as we attempt to look for answers.
The funny thing about holding on to any limited emotion is that we take our self back into our past and connect with every moment that we felt this way. If we are fragile enough, we may then begin to judge our life by what we are feeling. If we continue to see the relationship that we are dealing with through these eyes, it will obviously begin to crumble. We have chosen a crooked path to walk upon.
Now we are really in a dump and maybe feeling justified to be in this hole we are digging. (Right now I feel as though I used to be so good at beating myself up because this is so easy to share and remember.) Things may even get worse depending on the mental state one is in when experiencing being deceived. So there are a few things I have learned over the years that I must now share. Just see this as food for thought. Feel free to agree or disagree at any time.
First and most important: When we feel hurt the first thing we do is look for someone to blame for our feelings. Never do we stop to think about how “our feelings” can only be created or felt by us and only us. We seek out the object of our blame with the only intention being to make them see, and/or understand how we feel. An impossible mission but one we all attempt many times in our life. This is the point where we are headed down a one way street with a dead end but human nature, being what it is, we continue down the dark alley once again. We may consult with good friends and they attempt to understand what is going on and usually project their own version of what they assume we feel. They also may share their life circumstances that accompany the emotions and give advice based on their own life experience.
Remember this, since we have chosen to “feel this way, it will only get better when we choose not to feel this way anymore. When we actually get that the difficulty is not in trusting the other person to be who we expect them to be but to get back to trusting who we are and the choices that we are about to make. All we can do is get input from this other person and maybe get a sense of where they are coming from. If this is the first time a problem has occurred then it may or may not be easier to make choices. There is a place within us that knows on a soul level exactly what is going on at all times with all relationships. We are all human beings on a spiritual journey (or is it the other way around ?). I believe that this journey guides us through situations to help us grow and mature on a spiritual level. We all cannot choose to live on the mountain away from the material existence, that would make life very boring for many of us. So in the real world, we have created, we must learn to trust those deep gut feeling within us.
Another point I need to make is that when we fall in love and somehow put another being on a bit of a pedestal we actually bring our self down. The fluff around love sometimes blinds us a bit as we go through the “honeymoon stage” of relationships. The intensity of the emotions also mushrooms our vision of who this person is. Sometimes we feel so at one with this person that we think we know exactly who they are. We may even ignore those signs that come up, telling our self that they would never do that to us even though their past history may be somewhat daunting. The truth of the matter is that what we are seeing in that person is actually a mirror of who we are becoming. We see our true selves in the love that we share with others or maybe who we wish to be.
So now its time to find some Trust. In order to do this, we have to decide exactly who we are, what we want, and what we are willing to put up with. We may also have to decide how much work we are actually willing to put into a relationship; how much are you willing to commit to? Sometimes you have to be willing to guide and teach the other how to be in a Trusting relationship. We also have to believe completely in our self and our feelings and our sense of what is going on around us. If you cannot find Trust within you, how will you know how to Trust another?
Oh but the one thing I have learned in my sixty plus years is that I bounce, or fly, or swim and sometimes do the unimaginable without a thought. I have learned to trust the Universe and know that she puts many lessons before me. All the people that I have fallen out with have taught me my greatest lessons in life. The greatest gift I can give myself is to hold them in the light and send them love. The only healthy way to get out of a broken heart or heartbreaking disappointment is to take full responsibility for your emotions and bite the bullet and move forward. Try to understand the strength that you have gained from your experience and the value it has added to you in your life.
